Saturday, May 28, 2011

Mamamia!

It's funny how things work out. When I was younger, I was always so eager to push love away. Honestly, I never gave much thought to the reasoning behind my actions...until tonight. I was telling someone about how I wish that I could be someone's "moon","air", "shining star", or "sunshine through the rain" again. Did you ever have a boy in your life who wrote you a poem or two, or a love letter? I sure did. :)

When I was fourteen, I had my first boyfriend, but after less than twenty-four hours, I broke it off. I never gave it much thought after that. However, tonight, it is all I can think of. I'm forcing myself to look back at my teenage self and ask myself why I took such action. Was I afraid of getting in trouble? No, that storm would've passed. Was I doubtful of my beauty? No, that wasn't it either. My, oh my, what could it have been?! Ah, yes, of course, of course! I didn't deserve to be loved.

I was watching the movie, "Eat Pray Love," the other day, and I couldn't help but to tear up while Liz was visiting Italy. Do you know that scene? The one where Liz & Sophie are in the barbershop? Well, in that scene, one of the men explains the difference between Americans & Italians. We Americans? We don't know pleasure. We only know entertainment. We are told that we deserve certain things (like partying on a weekend) and when we deserve it. Italians. Bueno, Italians know pleasure. They pass by a sign that says, "You deserve a glass of wine today," and they say, "I know that already." 

See, when I was fourteen and breaking up with that handsome boy, I was feeling guilty, heartbroken, and like it was the worst day of my life. I wasn't thinking about how denying someone's love for me would affect me years later. It wasn't until recently that I started accepting that others love me. It wasn't until recently that I started believing their love was real. It wasn't until recently that I started loving myself without hesitation. 

Sometimes, I wonder how life would have been for me if I had been born in Italy, grown up with my mom and dad. Maybe I would've learned the pleasure of letting love be.

My wish for today is that I can come to find true pleasure in my life instead of just entertaining myself with the things around me. 

Dolce Far Niente! The Sweetness of Doing Nothing...

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Forever & Always

I've been blogging a lot lately, you know, inside my head. I've blogged about my dream home, my future family, my restaurant, the things I'd do if I won the lottery (or got 1 million dollars), but I haven't actually typed anything up.

Last night, I started to blog, but my mind went blank, and I gave up. Tonight, though, I think I'm up for a little keyboard action. :)

Oh! Did I mention how I stupidly cut my bangs too short and all crooked the other day? Yeah, well, I've been cutting and styling my hair for over a year now, and I've done a great job for going off of a memory of watching my mother cutting her own hair when I was a child. Anyway, I've been trying to grow out my bangs for quite a few months, but suddenly, I felt the need to just chop off some hair. I grabbed the scissors, bunched up my dry bangs (it's best to cut hair when it's damp), and snipped away in the usual style. Only, this time it came out looking like crap! And way shorter than I wanted. It's a good thing my hair grows back super fast. It's like all my iron is morphed into vitamin e (I'm anemic...it's a joke...haha).

Okay, so I've been cooking up a storm inside my head for this service project I really want to start up at St. Tommy Momo, and other local parishes. Just a warning, it's sort of like a soup kitchen. I've always had a heart for the poor. Don't get me wrong, I totally understand when people say that the homeless should be out searching for work instead of begging on the streets, but...a huge part of me understands the homeless and the poor. I know how quickly a fortune can turn into nothing. I know what it's like to have a roof over your head one day, and the next to be living out of your car. I know what it's like to live paycheck to paycheck, and still struggle to make ends meet without help. I also understand that most of these poeple on the streets, begging for our help, have families, children, or friends that need help as well. If we, as human beings and children of one Creator, cannot understand each other and help each other in dire times of need, then who can help us? Now that I've rambled off, let me share bits and pieces of my plan of rescue.

I want to provide the needy with something more than just food. I want to organize an arts and crafts "school" for them for free. I would get a local restaurant owner and chef to come out once a week, and cook for the homeless, and give them more than just soup out of a can or something they can get out of a dumpster. I want the homeless to know that they can eat real, homemade food, and that they can learn how to make it themselves. I want to provide a cooking class at the parish hall once a week, and also offer them guitar classes, piano classes, teach them how to sow, knit, or crochet, and teach them how to do other things with which they can get profit. I want to do for the homeless what others have done for me. I want to give them hope, love, and serve them, so that they can pay it forward with every smile on their faces.




Maybe I'm just a dreamer, but if I don't keep on dreaming, then my life will just be empty. Someday, I hope to find the means to make this "soup kitchen" of mine come true. For now, I'll keep on dreamin' and dreamin' until my dream comes true. :)

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Bakings, Bones, and Sweetie Pie

 Today's Missions
  1. Spend time with Thomas and just relax.
  2. Stay home.
  3. Bake Paula Deen's Sweet Potato Doughnuts.
Mission #1: COMPLETED
Mission #2: COMPLETED
Mission #3: Almost there... :)

I'm off to the beach tomorrow, rain or sunshine, and I'm bringing doughnuts. I can't wait to spend some much needed time with friends, and play Goldfish, Apples to Apples, Volleyball, or Phase 10.

I'm off to bed! Buona notte tutti!

<3,
Esther